Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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