ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize