saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
