You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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