By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
