You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
