After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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