so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
