Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
