he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
