Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
