I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
