half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
then he tried to convert me to islam
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
