Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
