is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
