what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
