I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
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You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
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