he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
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I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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