I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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