Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I need to calm my uterus...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
