a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize