Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
