I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
