Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
