Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control should be required to get into college
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am available for nakedness
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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