I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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