Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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