i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
