I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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