I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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