does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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