**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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