Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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