break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish my penis had an off switch
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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