I looked at my own cervix.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
