you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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