ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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