Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
