today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
