I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
