a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
