Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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