Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
