WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
