Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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