she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
