U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
