explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
