Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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