She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
