I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
