If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
