So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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