3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize