You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
