i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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