i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
