as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
