My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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