i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
