I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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