She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
