If i come over, it means nothing
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
