I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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