Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
