I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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