fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
