My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
