then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
