moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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